Ah, the Perv. Match has a lot of them. Let me preface this story with a few things. One, the title quote was actually sent to me in an email. Two, people's freak flags fly at different levels, so I understand where some people may be ok with a little pervi-ness, and third, I actually made it to a date with someone I thought was an initial perv (and may still be). As always, below are real, actual stories. Also, mom, please don't read this--it will save you nights of rosaries and lighting candles.
I'll start off with a question. France- what is up with your men? Do you groom them as little boys and have them watch Pepe LePew as a paradigm of how to woo women with a creepy, rapey vibe? I would be comfortable publishing a study with the following statistic- about 89% of French men are pervs and 100% of French men on Match are pervs. 9 times out of 10, any creepy email I got was from a Frenchman. Unfortunately I didn't save them, but most of them would send me explicit emails (right off the bat!) of what they want to do to me. And yes, some man said he wanted to give me a foot massage. I really want to know if this strategy ever works. Really, I do.
One pervy story basically started and ended before an actual date. Andy seemed like a clean cut kind of guy, we emailed back and forth a few times and no alarm bells went off. He didn't want to massage my feet or try on my bras so I felt comfortable enough to give him my number. Oh Laura, the mistakes you make on Match.
Well Andy turned from clean cut to straight up freak. His first text was if I was a good kisser (obviously we know from my story with Jack that I am), and I didn't respond. He said that he was a great kisser and that I should experiment with him. I told him how much he creeped me out so he then took it down a notch and texted me a few normal things. Then, I kid you not, he asked about my favorite sexual position. I mean, I have put up with some weird stuff, but that is where I draw the line! I texted him that he was insanely inappropriate and to lose my number.
Best part of the story, he sent me another email on Match saying "Well, I guess we didn't click although you should have given me a chance." THEN when I didn't respond, he sent me a not interested email. There is this option on Match (which I have never used) that if you don't like a person, you send an automated message that says, "Thanks but so and so is not interested in you." So creepy Andy sends me that message after I ignored him. Classic Match.
On a related note I did give a different perv, Louis, the benefit of the doubt. He mentioned he was really into knee high boots on like the third email, but I let that slide. The date was interesting to say the least, but that is for another post.
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