Let's Talk About..."When Harry Met Sally"

Merry Christmas everyone!  After opening presents and going through what feels like a month of endless eating and drinking, my family settled down today and we all watched the classic, "When Harry Met Sally." Who doesn't love this movie?  Even my dad, who only likes movies made before 1940 was chuckling. 

We all know the infamous, "I'll have what she's having," line, but I forgot there are also some great lines that still hold true to dating today.  It especially hits close to home being single during the holidays and I felt compelled to comment on a few choice lines.

Scene at the Boathouse
Marie: Okay, but don't wait too long. Remember what happened with David Warsaw? His wife left him and everyone said give him some time, don't move in too fast...6 months later, he was dead.
Sally: What are you saying? I should get married to someone right away in case he's about to die?
Alice: At least you could say you were married.

This line resonated with me during the period when I hit 30 and it felt all my friends were getting married but me.  It felt like every guy I dated during that time was going to be "the one." I hadn't met the one in college, so of course I would meet him in business school, right?  Well wrong.  At that time, I felt like I had to get married. It didn't matter to whom as long as I got to wear a white dress and have a great party. All the wrong reasons to want to get married!  Don't get me wrong, I would still like to get married, but I see way beyond the dress now, especially seeing my friends and family go through some rather ugly divorces.  What I'm looking for now isn't a wedding, but a life partner.  It can be a  bummer to be single at this time, but really, would you rather be married and miserable or single and maybe just a bit lonely?  It's not worth it to say "At least I'm married"

Sally find out her ex is getting married
Sally: He just met her... She's supposed to be his transitional person, she's not supposed to be the ONE. All this time I thought he didn't want to get married. But, the truth is, he didn't want to marry me. He didn't love me.

Harry: If you could take him back now, would you?

Sally: No. But why didn't he want to marry me? What's the matter with me?

Harry: Nothing.

Sally: I'm difficult.

Harry: You're challenging.

Sally: I'm too structured, I'm completely closed off.

Harry: But in a good way.

Sally: No, no, no, I drove him away. AND, I'm gonna be forty.

Harry: When?

Sally: Someday.

 

This scene hits very close to home.  In one of my earlier relationships, I thought I was with someone who truly and honestly didn't want to get married to anyone.  His parents weren't married and he was against the institution.  I truly believed this, but that of course, we would be together forever.  Guess what?  I got the ax and he married the very next girl he met like a year later!!  The very next girl.  All I could think of was "Why didn't he want to marry me?"  This is something that women need to learn to accept.  It unfortunately took me way too long to get over that heartbreak since I wrestled with that question for years after.  In reality ladies, no man is DYING to get married, BUT if he loves you enough, he will marry you, no question about it.  Think about all your friends who are in healthy marriages.  They never had 29 breakups and constant fighting...it was easy.  I'm sorry to say, but when a man says he isn't going to get married, it probably means he doesn't want to marry you. Basic premise behind the book He Just Isn't That Into You, only Sally Albright said it 20 years earlier.  Let's face it, if it's been 4 years, you are over 30 and your boyfriend still hasn't proposed, he just may not ever get around to it.  Just a thought...

 

After Harry freaks out because he slept with Sally

Sally Albright: I am not your consolation prize, Harry.

 

One benefit of being on Match is that you get to date a lot of guys.  The downfall is that they too are dating a lot of women. This is fine when you are on the first date, but when you get to the 4th date, it gets a little dicey.  You have to make sure that you are the one they are dying to see...not the girl who happens to be there. Don't settle for second best when you aren't exclusive yet with a guy. You want to be the Saturday night gal, not the last minute Tuesday night booty call. Who wants to be a goomah? No one wants to end up like  Janice Rossi in 2R.  Don't be anyone's consolation prize! 

Don't you guys agree this movie still holds true today?  Notice I didn't even touch upon guys and girls being friends.  I still don't know where I stand on that one!
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Type #6- Pervy McPervson

"I would love to massage your feet with sensual lotion."

Also known as: Carlos Danger, Chester the Molester, Anthony Weiner

Advantages: Could be amazing in the bedroom

Disadvantages: Could murder you in the bedroom and wear your skin as a dress

Ah, the Perv.  Match has a lot of them.  Let me preface this story with a few things.  One, the title quote was actually sent to me in an email. Two, people's freak flags fly at different levels, so I understand where some people may be ok with a little pervi-ness, and third, I actually made it to a date with someone I thought was an initial perv (and may still be). As always, below are real, actual stories.  Also, mom, please don't read this--it will save you nights of rosaries and lighting candles.

I'll start off with a question.  France- what is up with your men?  Do you groom them as little boys and have them watch Pepe LePew as a paradigm of how to woo women with a creepy, rapey vibe?  I would be comfortable publishing a study with the following statistic- about 89% of French men are pervs and 100% of French men on Match are pervs. 9 times out of 10, any creepy email I got was from a Frenchman.  Unfortunately I didn't save them, but most of them would send me explicit emails (right off the bat!) of what they want to do to me.  And yes, some man said he wanted to give me a foot massage.  I really want to know if this strategy ever works.  Really, I do.

One pervy story basically started and ended before an actual date.  Andy seemed like a clean cut kind of guy, we emailed back and forth a few times and no alarm bells went off.  He didn't want to massage my feet or try on my bras so I felt comfortable enough to give him my number. Oh Laura, the mistakes you make on Match.

Well Andy turned from clean cut to straight up freak.  His first text was if I was a good kisser (obviously we know from my story with Jack  that I am), and I didn't respond.  He said that he was a great kisser and that I should experiment with him.  I told him how much he creeped me out so he then took it down a notch and texted me a few normal things. Then, I kid you not, he asked about my favorite sexual position.  I mean, I have put up with some weird stuff, but that is where I draw the line!  I texted him that he was insanely inappropriate and to lose my number.

Best part of the story, he sent me another email on Match saying "Well, I guess we didn't click although you should have given me a chance." THEN when I didn't respond, he sent me a not interested email.  There is this option on Match (which I have never used) that if you don't like a person, you send an automated message that says, "Thanks but so and so is not interested in you."  So creepy Andy sends me that message after I ignored him.  Classic Match.

On a related note I did give a different perv, Louis, the benefit of the doubt.  He mentioned he was really into knee high boots on like the third email, but I let that slide.  The date was interesting to say the least, but that is for another post.

Type #5- The Hipster

"I really only watch cooking shows on PBS."

Also known as: Mr. Ironic, PBR Drinker, Mustache-haver

Advantages: Could give you access to cool indie bands, clothes, food, etc.

Disadvantages: Will talk about said bands, clothes, food, etc. ad nauseum; so much so that you will want nothing to do with them (or him)

HIPSTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As I write this now, I realize that Adam should be given a pass for his actions.  Adam was my first date from It's Just Lunch, and I think the anger he showed was really towards the service, and not me, at least I think.  The first thing he said to me when he walked in was 'Why are you sitting, we aren't eating, I thought this was only drinks."  Then, I was completely offended, but now I see there is a flaw in this dating service.  See, they make a reservation under your name, which assumes for the restaurant at least, you will be eating.  Now we all know that dinner on a first date is a bold move, so I'm not sure why It's Just Lunch does it.  They should just tell you, "Meet at this place," but they don't. There's a lot this service doesn't do.

So I'll go back to my first impression.  Wow- I got yelled at for sitting--this can NOT be a good sign. Adam, from what I was told, was a managing editor at a popular magazine, a "fun" guy and he liked to play guitar.

Side note- when I was on the phone with my "consultant," I told him I was trying to be fairly open-minded, however, I find that I really don't mesh well with the Brooklyn, hipster type.

Following, please to enjoy the transcript of what has been so far, the shortest date I have ever had:

7:00--as you know already, I get yelled out for sitting down.  Adam, btw, is 40 and has a Justin Beiber haircut and wore a decorative scarf throughout the entire date.

7:09--Me: where do you live?  Him : Brooklyn (great)

7:10--Me: I hear you are an editor, I'm into writing. I've taken a bunch of sketch writing classes at The PIT and UCB and I loved it and...  Him (cutting me off): oh

7:10 and 5 sec---(I'm about to just get up and leave, but I decided not to a) because it's a good lesson and b) I knew I would have a good story)

7:15-- after awkward banter we decide we both like Top Chef.  Other than that show however, he only watches PBS and  really "digs" the old cooking shows from the 70s.

7:16-- Me: vomiting

7:19-- It was silent so I asked "What do you like to do for fun."  Him: "What do you describe as fun?"  Me: Not this (I didn't say that but should have.)

Finally around 7:21 he tells me he is very socially awkward and doesn't get out much (shocking)  however he is really into butchery.  He only thinks he could butcher small animals, not larger ones.

7:20-- Me: OK, I need to catch a train- I'm out Him: Goes in for the awkward hug.

7:40- Me: eating Penn station pizza like it's my job.

I'm not kidding, it was a 20 minute date..maybe 30...tops!  It was the worst because he was just a prick in every sense of the word.  It would have been cool if he was like, "Look, obviously we aren't connecting, but let's at least enjoy a drink."  Actually, it would have been cooler if I said it.  And I should have.

I recently read this book "How to get married after 35" (don't judge- it was actually good) and the premise was to not waste time on guys who aren't worth your time.  Not even to regale your friends with the silly stories on a blog.  If you have been reading my blog, you can see that I tend to hang on way to long to wait for the guy to be cool, nice, funny, etc., but it never happens.  Lesson here, something I need to learn:  Once the date goes south, just leave.  IF the guy is worth it, he will reach out to you for another shot.  If not, your gut instinct was right...which it usually is.

What Would You Wear on a First Date?

I am hard to figure out fashion-wise.  I can knock it out of the park for formal events and business casual, but when it comes to "downtown chic" or "first-date" cool I usually end up erring on the boring side.  When I try to pull off this look, some comments I got from my friends in the past were that I looked like Ellen,  a homeless person, a lesbian prepster, or a homeless Ellen. I don't think this is what you are supposed to exude when you want to attract a man, right? My problem dating may be easily fixed if I could just get a personal stylist!

It's not like in my head I don't know what I'm supposed to wear: cool jeans, a white tee and slouchy blazer with killer knee-high boots and funky necklace, but my body is more Joan from Mad Men and less Miranda Kerr unfortunately, so I sometime looks like I came out of Talbots (I own nothing form Talbots). Being, ahem, blessed, with a larger chest I think is not good for a first date either.  Anything that is remotely low-cut has me looking like Jessica Rabbit.  It's a lose-lose.  Unless it's summer, I can rock a cute summer dress any day.

I once described an outfit of mine before a date and my friend said "What your describing reminds me of that Jessica Simpson pic with the bad jeans."  No, I did not wear a leopard belt! I did wear trouser jeans though.

Also, another time I was getting my hair blown out, and was talking to the guy about my date (it was my second date with Jay). He was getting into my dating stories and asked, "So....what are you going to wear??"  Um, I was wearing what I was going to wear!  I thought jeans, a tank and a little cardigan were cute, granted a bit 8th grade.  I was embarrassed so I lied to him and said I am changing at home.  My hair looked fabulous, but obviously when you have to lie to a gay about what you are wearing on a date, you know you've made a fashion fatality.

In sum, this post is mostly meant to solicit feedback.  What would you wear on a first date in the freezing city of Manhattan in the winter?

It's Just Lunch= It's Just Crap

I stated one of my intentions for this blog was so others read this and don't make the same dating mistakes as I do.  I think my biggest mission though is to ensure that NO ONE IN NYC EVER USES IT'S JUST LUNCH.  It could possibly be the biggest scam and worst dating service in the world.  Please heed my warning and do not waste your money on this horrible, horrible service.

Now you may think Laura, I've only know of It's Just Lunch by reading Hemispheres while I was bored on my last flight.  Does that mean you order neck pillows and bird baths from SkyMall?  Do you trust everything you read on airplanes?  The answer is no, however, sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures.  My mom signed me up as a gift.  She is just short of pulling out the UAE yellow pages and cold-calling sheiks to see if they need an extra in their harem.  This couldn't be worse, could it?  In hindsight, I should have spent the money on  a one-way ticket to Abu Dhabi.

It's Just Lunch was born in the 80s when people power-lunched and actually had time to leave their office.  It's a service for "busy professionals" and they act as a matchmaker---like being set up on a blind date.  Also, people usually meet up for a drink or dinner. You don't see the people beforehand, just their names and a bit of background.  I quoted the busy professionals because my dates neither seem busy, nor professional.

At first you get interviewed. Typical questions about your interests, your ideal mate, likes/dislikes and then you come in to verify you are a living human.  I met with a real slick salesman who promised me they had a ton of professionals waiting to meet me.  Never heard from that guy again as I got booted over to my "matchmaking team." Also, let's note that this team is in Florida.  Seriously, there is no one on the ground running the show. The best part is they pick the place where you meet.  As a New Yorker, it is hysterical when I see what places they suggest.  One date was scheduled at a diner in Harlem.  I mean, do they not read Yelp?  Out of the 67,546 restaurants in Manhattan, you pick Harlem?  This is one small insight on how in-tune these people are to the needs of a single professional that lives in NYC. Some people I know won't date anyone above 14th street let alone another borough.  OK, that was hyperbole, but also, kinda true.

I could go on and on about the poor customer service, the crappy agreement in which  could not find a loophole to cancel (and I've worked with attorneys for years!) and just the pure craziness that this company is still in business.

First date details in the next post, but seriously, to anyone reading this.  Please, do not spend a nickel on this company.  It was the worst money I ever spent....and I bought a lot of Z Cavariccis in my day.

 

Email Bag!

Here's another great email I received through Match. To be fair, obviously English is not his first language, so I can't judge too harshly, but it was amusing nonetheless.

From Juan:

Good Evening,

Very uplifting the way you bring yourself !
You really went out there to expose the beauty of a real Woman.

( how am I doing so far ? ) :D

I found that we have a plethora of interests and good fun and in common values. Vegas.
Better when you have such similarities.

You definitely shinned your abilities and thoughts... Well accomplished.

Your writing is calm, sensible, feminine, pratical to read with nice pictures those therefore,
I don't think it does you any justice.

And then... after words...
comes your smile... a soft cloud.

I understand why the Sun comes out every morning to brighten those beautiful luminescent eyes of yours, I truly can see why and I like the way you present a well balanced personality from mind and body with energy to a unique whimsical touch.

As for me :
I'm traditional with a nurturing personality, good morals and like to make use of old fashioned romanticism that never goes away plus a little a lot of good integrity never hurts. I'm definitely Not a dullard.

I'm supportive of the one's dreams myriads and always attentive of you love your job the it's cute funny and ambitious.

I'm healthy and do eat heathy, exercise regularly, I like to cook little bit more on the veggie side, not all the way it all depends what you would want for dinner :D

I do clean as I cook,
would you think that's funny ? I really do.

I would like to entice someone to joy me exploring anywhere from Manhattan, Montak Hamptons, upstate NY, Jersey, countrysides, US cities, nat'l parks Cancun Aruba Rio Buenos Aires Ankara Jerusalem, Barcelona Paris...
Foremost I think wholeheartedly that traveling is healthy and good for you !!!

Would be quite nice to hear from you,
Juan

Type #4- Not Over His Ex

"I wasn't the one who ended the marriage..."

Also known as: Bitter, Sad, Confused

Advantages: Good if you need someone to commiserate with.

Disadvantages: You will be calling his ex, begging her to take him back.

John, John, John. Poor John just was not ready to go back into the dating scene and I should have known the second I viewed his Match profile.  He had photos of himself with a very pretty woman, whom I was later told was his ex.  He said he "didn't know how to crop photos"  AND they were from THEIR LAST TRIP TOGETHER!!!  He liked the photos bc he was tan.  Ok, I can appreciate a good tan photo, but learn to crop for Chrissakes!

Side note about John's profile.  He was all about "graduating from Harvard."  There were a few pics of him at graduation, his name was IvyLeaguer and mentioned it in his profile.  You would think that he was a 14th generation alum.  Come to find out....he went to the extension school. Now, I'm all for certificate programs and think they are great, but please don't act like you went to the best school in the country for 4 years.

Ok, why did I go out with this dbag?  Well apparently, I have been told I am "too picky" so I thought, I should give it a whirl

Mistake #1- Talking to him on the phone
John was old school and called me to chat.  I actually like talking on the phone and think it's nice when guys suggest this.  It also weeds out any creepy high-pitch talkers. The convo started off nicely, but then it turned.  He told me his ENTIRE story about how his marriage ended, how his wife had cancer but went into remission and then cheated on him. He also mentioned that he didn't end the marriage, she did, but it has been 2 years now and he's finally over it.  OooooKkkkkkk. Clearly someone still had some issues.  Ladies, if this happens to you, say someone is breaking into your apartment or that you're on fire or something and just hang up the phone and never talk to him again. What do I do? Agree to a date of course!

Mistake #2- Actually meeting up with this guy
Even after the odd phone date I still decided to go out with this guy! It took us at least 3 weeks to connect and make a date. He was the worst at planning.  Girls- if you can't nail down a date within a week, don't give this guy another shot.  What did I do?  I met up with him of course!

The Date
I basically hate this guy by the time I finally see him, but hey, I'm a masochist. We met up at a cute bar in Tribeca and it was rough.  All he did was tell me stories about his son.  Now one or two is fine, but not for more than 10 minutes of a first date. Then of course he mentions his ex and at that point I just wanted to leave.  We only had one drink and I said I had to go and he gave me his business card.  Obviously we didn't hit it off but he still went in for the kiss and it was so awkward and I just pulled away and ran into the subway.  I was so glad it was over.

Best part of the whole story, he texts me about 3 days after that although he liked me, he didn't think we "connected on a romantic level" and that he wanted to give me that "feedback" since he knows how hard match can be.  Thanks for the feedback John!  Please call your ex and see if she will take you back :)

Tidbit: This is how bad it's gotten in the NYC dating world.  My friend just said, "So I've been texting with cocaine guy from last night" and without a beat I go "Ooh, that's good."